Unattachment: How to stop being afraid of change.

You’re holding on to what isn’t meant to be… now what? Are you afraid of change?

Confronting the Fear of Change

My journey began with making huge decisions and being afraid of the change that often came with these decisions. Change is inevitable and a constant in life, yet confronting it builds a lot of emotions within me. I often find myself asking, “Why do I hold onto something that I know isn’t right for me?”

The truth is that change is terrifying, and much of my avoidance comes from a need to run away from discomfort rather than face it. But how do we grow? Change. It isn’t easy, but change and growth can help you unravel the complex layers that might be keeping you in situations that no longer serve you.

The Relationship with Myself as a Priority

Over the years I’ve began to learn the importance of prioritizing myself. In a world where external validation changes how we perceive our worth, I have to remind myself that I am the most important relationship in my life, so I need to maintain this relationship when considering the interactions of my daily life as well.

When I notice that maintaining external relationships hurts my energy and decreases my self-care, I have to reassess my priorities. If maintaining a relationship means betraying who I am, I need to make tough decisions. It’s easy to ignore it and people please, hurting yourself even more. “Disconnecting from situations, from people, from groups…it hurts so bad.” This pain is heartbreak, and as humans we often do anything we can to avoid heartbreak, but sometimes we need it.

So as I continue to learn about interpersonal connections, this core value has shown me the importance of maintaining personal awareness. When I no longer feel safe or supported in a relationship, it might be time to let go. When external circumstances start to go against my core values, letting go ceases to be merely an option—it becomes a necessity.

Accepting Reality

I love to wonder, “What if?” I found that living in the past or a reality that doesn’t exist made it harder to take care of myself. Instead of wishing I could change things, I did what I could and then moved on if I needed to. It hurts and it will always be painful, but I have never once regretted prioritizing myself in a situation that will not change.

“I was living in the what ifs…instead, I had to sit myself down and…accept it for what it is.”

The moment that I switched my mindset, the anxiety that I had been feeling went away. Even though I will still healing and grieving, any anxiety surrounding the situation slowly decreased. It didn’t happen overnight, but eventually I felt like I could breathe again. Acceptance doesn’t erase the past but it places you in the present, and the present is where where true healing can happen.

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Life will never be easy. Healing will never be easy. But I’ve learned these tactics to make it less difficult. I am sending hugs to each and every one of you<3

See you next time,

-Alessia Maria