How to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Prioritizing Yourself

Learning to stop being a people pleaser is a heavy topic- how to please yourself and not others? Don’t worry, we’re tackling it TODAY!

I think most of us have some experience with people pleasing. Whether it be with a parent we’re nervous to disappoint, a friend, or a random person we barely know, most of us have experience. People pleasing is not only hurting yourself, but it can easily turn into manipulation, even if the person manipulating you or you yourself don’t notice it. So once you realize you’re people-pleasing, how exactly do you turn around and learn how to please yourself and not others?

Why do you people please?

The first step to stop being a people pleaser is to figure out why you people-please. In any inconvenient habit, figuring out the ‘why’ is the best way to learn how to reverse it. So why do you people-please? Is it because you’re trying to avoid discomfort?

One of the common reasons to people-please is to avoid discomfort. While this can seem helpful at the beginning, it quickly turns into your own discomfort. If you are putting all your energy into making others happy, are you yourself going to be happy? Chances are that you won’t.

being a people-pleaser isn’t possible

Whenever I find myself people-pleasing and want to stop, I remind myself that making everyone happy isn’t possible. Think about it this way- if I tried to make everyone happy by never stating my own opinions or disagreeing, someone would be mad at me for not standing up for them or myself. The reality is that by people-pleasing, you are doing things for others in a never-ending cycle and not staying true to yourself. People-pleasing while also making yourself happy is never 100% possible. So instead, focus on learning how to please yourself and not others.

prioritize yourself

The foundation to stop being a people pleaser is to remember to take care of yourself. By people pleasing, we often don’t put ourselves first and end up forgetting to take care of ourselves. One of my favorite practices to reverse this over time is to schedule a time of day for yourself. I usually do this at night and take as little as 15 minutes or as much as a few hours to spend time with myself. I’ve written a lot about self-care practices, but here are a few of my favorite posts:

Add simplicity to your life with meditation

Journal prompts for self-reflection

Vision boards

Learn to say ‘no’

Finally, to stop being a people please, practice saying ‘no.’ By prioritizing yourself in the last step, learning how to say ‘no’ will get easier. I, on the other hand, learned how to say ‘no’ the hard way by bending over backward for people too many times. People pleasing can turn into this very quickly and hurt you. Next time you notice yourself going out of your way for others, stop and recognize it. Setting boundaries is okay!

There you have it- my tips on how to stop people pleasing! Have anything to add? I would love to hear from you in the comment section!

Sending you best wishes and remember to start small. This is not an easy task, but I’m rooting for you!