My New Year Reminder of Trust

I got COVID a few days before the New Year. I had been excited to go to a New Years’ party when I looked over at my COVID test and saw two dark red lines. I slumped and started putting my stuff away to sit on my bed, quarantine, and do nothing.

Today is my last day in quarantine and I’m trying to reflect on the year and what this setback has taught me. It had to have been a reminder for me, right?

This year, I’ve learned the importance of patience, though I still haven’t learned how to actually be patient. Patience is a word thrown about so easily but is so hard to actually be. Surely this can’t only be something I struggle with? We live in a ‘go go go’ mindset. We’re constantly moving, changing, and craving. The systems we live around are designed to constantly catch our attention with something new. So when we don’t have something new? We get bored so easily.

I think being in quarantine was my New Year reminder. If you know me, you know that I am very talented at the art of overthinking. I have so many goals and ideas for the New Year that my mind never stops racing. Sometimes I love my mind, sometimes I hate it. Thinking is great but I often forget to feel. I forget to take a breath and acknowledge the moment. Being sick forced me to take that breath and stop.

I spent the quarantine realizing what I want in life. I was sick enough that I couldn’t get up and go for a walk or have a clear mind, so when I wasn’t asleep, I was on Instagram. I was comparing myself, I was feeling bad about myself, and I was feeling lost. When I wasn’t feeling good and opened social media, I felt worse. When I was feeling great and opened social media, I felt inspired. I love having social media to share and stay connected. It can be an incredible resource but it can also be the reason we bury ourselves

In the New Year, I want to be alive. I want to find balance. I want to find peace and trust within myself. My reminder for the New Year is to move forward with trust in myself. Comparing myself, worrying about my goals, and feeling bad about myself- it all stems from a lack of trust in me.

Quarantine reminded me to take care of myself first. Quarantine reminded me to take time for myself. Quarantine reminded me how much I love myself. It’s weird how such unpredictable things can teach us the biggest lessons. Am I happy I was sick? Of course not. Am I still going to do my best to learn from it? Always.

So that’s what I’m bringing into the New Year.

Trust is my New Year reminder.

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