Stop Sabotaging Yourself- How to Overcome Perfectionism

“When I was in my twenties, I believed that somewhere there existed a perfect human woman. She woke up beautiful, unbloated, clear fluffy-haired, fearless, lucky in love, calm, and confident. Her life was… easy. She haunted me like a ghost. I tried so hard to be her.”

Glennon Doyle- Untamed

Today’s post is gonna be real. honest. I think most of us, if not all of us, have strived for perfectionism at least once. I know I have. In fact, I often still do. Get a warm cup of tea, cozy up, and keep reading because today, we’re opening up, finding our roots, and tackling the question, how do I overcome perfectionism?

This post will cover exactly how to do this in these 4 main steps…

• I’m not perfect
• Why do we try to be perfect?
• Shifting our subconscious
• Overcoming Perfectionism

I’m not perfect

I think the issue of perfectionism stems from a key issue- the idea that to be a ‘good person,’ we won’t have flaws. A few years ago, all that I saw around the world was through eyes that had been blinded by hatred toward myself and the preconceived ideas that I had to be perfect. I spent all my time looking to others for answers, validation, and the hope that they thought I was perfect.

My definition of perfection was looking good on the outside. No one could see my flaws, no one could know if I was in pain. I created a beautiful image of who I thought others would love, rather than becoming who I wanted to be. In doing that, I lost myself.

While I spent my time around others dressed up with a fake smile on my face, I spent my time at home crying because I hated who I was. I was stuck in the endless cycle of needing validation that I didn’t get enough of in my mind.

why do we try to be perfect?

A widely agreed-on definition of perfection is to be ‘free of flaws.’ But another widely known fact is that no one is perfect. So where did we get this idea that we needed to be perfect from?

When we were younger, we never worried about what others thought. We lived in the moments, for ourselves, completely oblivious if anyone was judging us. But as young kids only beginning to understand the world, we believed everything people said. So as we grew up, we learned that society would keep judging us unless we presented ourselves in a different way, one that seemed flawless. And this right here became embedded in our subconscious.

Thus, our endless journies for perfection started.

Shifting our subconscious

Our subconscious is in control of just about everything we do how why think, why we act in certain ways, everything. It has been built up from the very second we entered this world and has been influenced by all our experiences since then. It controls how we live, but it’s something so difficult for us to learn how to understand.

So, in order to shift our subconscious, a lot of personal work needs to be done. Obviously, we can’t go through every single experience in our lives and shift our mindset, but we can shift our current mindset and find the things in our subconscious that are holding us back.

How it works

Someone once told me that our brain is like a dirt path. How we react to situations and process them is like a wagon riding through that path. Our entire lives, we may have taken the same path, the path of perfection. In every moment we did that, those wagon wheels sunk deeper and deeper into the path. So if we want to overcome it and create a new path, one that strives for growth rather than perfectionism, it gets to be difficult. We have to push our wagon over the ridges of that path and onto the untouched terrain around it. As we create that new path, we may get lost as there isn’t a path already made guiding us. We may get frustrated, the path will be bumpy, and we may cross with our old path and think it would be much easier to go on that one. But the longer we stay on this new path, the more the old path will wither away, washed out by the rain, and become a part of the terrain again.

That is how our brain works. when we continue to feed our mind with poor responses, looking for outside validation, we embed it in our minds that that is the correct response, or path, to go on. To change ourselves, we have to create an entirely new path, one where we work to overcome perfectionism and a healthier lifestyle. And as we continue to do this, our minds will learn that this is the new, better, response. It won’t be easy at first, but it will become your automatic response after some time. This is the key to overcoming perfectionism and often the key to most of the rest of our problems too

Overcoming perfection

Now, in order to actually shift your subconscious thoughts and overcome perfectionism, there are multiple ways to do it. For me, the best steps I have found are as follows…

1. Understanding what makes you happy
2. Finding habits that help you and creating a daily routine
3. Taking care of yourself even in the worst moments/finding ways to stay in a good mindset
4. Understanding that no one is perfect
5. Stepping out of your comfort zone
6. Stop saying sorry and finally overcome perfectionism

These steps can be done on your own, but if you’d like more guidance, I can create a post more in-depth!

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I encourage you to keep going on your journey, I’m rooting for you!

-Alessia Maria