How to Deal with a Toxic Friendship

this question was sent in as a requested podcast episode, so let’s get into it. today’s episode on Eunoia- how to deal with toxic friendships:

I think that most people, at some point or another, have dealt with a toxic friendship or situation. I know I have and through these difficulties, I have compiled a list of things that helped me. I hope this can help!

Distance Yourself

One of the biggest tips that I do have for dealing with a toxic friendship is to distance yourself. Easier said than done, I know. But it’s important to know your boundaries, know what you deserve, know what is hurting you, and don’t settle for less.

It’s okay to unfollow people in real life. Everyone says it, but it’s true. It’s okay to set distance and it’s important to do.

Usually, when you have a toxic situation or you’re dealing with a lot of drama, there are very high feelings. No matter what feeling they are, or what you are feeling, it is valid. Feelings are valid no matter what, even if they don’t make sense. But that doesn’t mean that the reaction to said feelings is.

Don’t be too quick to judge the person, because toxic situations are not always because a person is bad. Often, it’s because they are going through difficult situations and they are having a poor response to them. So when you take distance, be careful to not go against the feelings, but go against the situation and the response.

Don’t Engage

As humans in general, we are so hard on ourselves for our feelings, but we can’t really control those feelings. We can control the response, though. In every situation, you have multiple different ways that you can respond, you can either respond poorly or you can do your best to respond in the most healthy way that you can. And you’re gonna make mistakes and that’s okay. But by recognizing that and setting boundaries, you are already taking a huge step in healing and moving on.

When you say you’re going to take space though, it can be hard to stick to it. It’s easy to argue and want to prove your point, but that usually snowballs and turns into a never-ending cycle. Choosing to not engage in the drama is one of the hardest things to do, but also one of the best things to do. There might be bad things that people say about you, and that’s okay. Not everyone’s gonna like you, but they don’t need to. It’s time to let go of the people pleasing and put yourself first.

Put yourself first

So if you can’t engage and you’re feeling hurt, how do you heal? By taking care of yourself. I say this in every single episode, and I will continue to say it- you are the foundation of your growth. Taking time for personal growth and acknowledging your uncomfortable feelings is terrifying, but it is also so rewarding in the long run. I wrote another post about this, a pep talk for changes in life, that can help you with uncomfortable moments.

Follow Core Values

I don’t know about you, but when I deal with a difficult situation by following my core values, I walk away from that in a lot better mindset. Even if the situation is not good, even if you walk away from it in pain, it’s a lot easier to heal when you are really focusing on doing what you feel is best.

And if you need to take breaks to do this, that’s okay. Arguments trigger your fight or flight mode, making you have quick reactions. So taking a step back and looking at your core values can make a big difference in drama.

Final Thoughts

I do believe that if you take the time to focus on all of these things, You will walk away from the situation feeling better. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to a toxic friendship, but there are ways to help. In the end, remember that you can’t control how other people are, but you can control how you are. I know how hard it can meet because I have been there too. I’m sending so many hugs!!

P.S.- want to hear more? Listen to the podcast for the full episode!